“In a bottle a firefly can appear to be a fairy.” Victoria
The purpose of this narrative is to show that something is terribly wrong with the book called THE HOLY BIBLE. It seems to be upside down when read word for every single word. Thus, it appears to really be an unholy book spattered with […]
Maybe the bloody theme of the Bible will explain what Huckleberry meant when he said that it was his father who was bad: Luke 19-27: But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither and slay them before me. Pardon me, Jesus? Isn’t it supposed to be […]
We will get to the greatest contradiction in the Bible in a minute but first, let’s elucidate the title BIBLE VICE VERSA with several more examples: Remember when Jesus went into the temple and tossed over the money changers’ tables, spilling their property on the floor? The Bible depicts this as holy and heroic behavior. […]
Recall the theme which runs through the Bible like a ribbon of blood: “Slay them before me.” (Luke 19:27) or Moses 25:5: “Slay all those who joined unto Baal: A character is revealed primarily by what he says and what he does. Our main character, the king of kings, speaks for himself as […]
Genesis:7:7 And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man and beast, and the creeping thing (serpent) and the fowls of the air for it repenteth me that I have made them: However, being omniscient, God knew beforehand that He would “repenteth (regret) […]
Has anyone noticed the contradiction between the flood and the Lord’s words thereafter? They are significant in terms of the Bible’s veracity: (Psalm 32) David the King of Israel speaking: “I acknowledge my sin unto thee (Lord) and mine iniquity have I not hid, I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and […]
Attend a sermon: Picture a nice, sunny Sunday morning. You brought along ten percent of your income to tithe AND THE KIDS. You had tried long ago to give up all your possessions and follow the Lord, but your wife had complained bitterly. There is a rock band playing right in the […]
Bible Vice Versa: For example, The Lord goes back and forth throughout His mean-spirited biography vacillating between saving Israel from the pagan Philistines, but then, VICE VERSA, helping the Philistines destroy his CHILDREN, the Israelites: Numbers 21:6 And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people and they bit the people and much people of […]
“It’s far harder to kill a ghost than a reality.” Virginia Wolf
With THAT in mind, I was astounded to read about Haggai, a visionary prophet who calls for: “A renewed faith in God who controls the future.”
Apparently, Haggai didn’t realize that when God made mankind, He would “repent and regret” it! (Genesis) Thus, if […]
PROLOGUE TO ABRAHAM: – Mr. FAITHFUL: Cain and Abel – “By FAITH Abel offered a BETTER sacrifice than Cain and so was favored by the Lord.” What? First of all, Paul is telling us this. (Hebrews) Paul is not a god but an apostle who actually started a resistance to the […]
Genesis 4:21 And the Lord said unto Moses go return into Egypt BUT I WILL HARDEN THE KING’S HEART THAT HE SHALL NOT LET THE PEOPLE GO (Israel). Why would He harden their hearts, stiffening their necks, when He wants to free them from Egypt and even stoops so low as to kill all […]
Exodus 20:25: The Lord saith: And of those wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt NOT build it of HEWN stone: for if thou LIFT up thy TOOL upon it, thou hast POLLUTED IT. Thus, we have a real problem to deal with. How are we going to get it rid of all […]
Hi, my name is Job, and I live in Uz, not far from your homes. The Lord and Satan recently had a conversation and Satan talked God into removing His protective hedge from around me and my family in order to test my faith. Yes, I agree, unbelievable, a conspiracy, mind you! I […]
PREFACE TO JACOB AND SONS: Occasionally, one gets to see scripture acted out in real life right before one’s eyes: The other day, I was sitting on a bench waiting to be rotated into a seniors’ tennis match. A younger man by 30 years or so sat down next to me. He was resting […]
First, one of the most appalling CONTRADICTIONS ever concocted by mankind, a contradiction so absurd that it puts the integrity of the entire Bible in question: Hosea 13:16 Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against God: they should fall by the sword: THEIR INFANTS SHALL BE DASHED TO PIECES, AND THEIR WOMEN SHALL […]
PROVERBS was written by the same man as Ecclesiastes: Solomon, the WISEST man in town. This is the same guy who “went in unto” 700 wives as Israel rose to its peak of glory. However, our WISE man’s ZEAL for the Lord DIMINISHES as he is overcome with lust and a brand new girlfriend […]
We’ve dealt with God’s brand of WISDOM: God’s son: Luke 19:27: “Slay them before me,” and God, the Holy Ghost: “Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread DUNG upon your faces, even the DUNG of your solemn feasts”; (Malachi 2:3), and how about our “Thou shalt not kill” messenger, Moses: Numbers 25:5 “Slay ye […]
Real Estate or religion? Exodus 3:8 And I come down to deliver them (Israel) out of the hand of the Egyptians unto the place of the Canaanites, a land of milk and honey: BUT not for the Canaanites, the Hitites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, Jebusites, gentiles or heathen: Exodus 32:26-27 And the Lord said go out […]
NUMBERS AND DEUTERONOMY: Posing as something new, both of these scriptures are copies of Exodus, and Leviticus. All four sections could have been written as one: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy all depict the Lord coming to take His children out of Egypt; the Priests’ Laws; the Wilderness walk with more Leviticus laws, the […]
JOSHUA: WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION: What does the preface to Joshua claim: the people of Israel learn a crucial lesson under Joshua’s capable leadership: VICTORY comes through FAITH in God and OBEDIENCE to his WORD rather than through MILITARY MIGHT or NUMERICAL SUPERIORITY.
FAITH: trust or belief in religious doctrine.
Fine, but what religious doctrine: […]
JUDGES: Appointed arbitrarily without legal certification to judge God’s children who just cannot be OBEDIENT to an angry and jealous God. Ironically, their jealous Father just keeps ENABLING them to continue being disobedient: Judges 2:11 and the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord, and served Baalim!
Judges:3:12 And the children […]
TRUTH IS MORE OFTEN FALSE: Before we get to a number of curious variations of the truth recorded in the Bible, let’s listen to John’s concept of truth: John 21:24: This is the disciple which testifieth of these things: and we KNOW that his testimony is TRUE. How would WE KNOW his testimony […]
CYCLE OF MADNESS: The children of Israel did evil again so the Lord ENABLES their enemies, the Hitites, the Ammons, the Agagites, the Canaanites, the Gentiles, the pagans, and the heathens to spoil them. He ENABLES all of His children’s enemies, at one time or another, to destroy his children as a punishment for doing […]
“Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT: The first two laws of the Lord are the theme of the sermon: Love God; love thy neighbor. However, the words of Jesus in his Sermon on the Mount COLLIDE LIKE A TRAIN WRECK with the Lord’s […]
ESTHER AND RUTH: To grasp the fraudulence of these two stories read the PREFACE: “God’s hand of providence (God’s protection) ) and His care of the children of Israel is EVIDENT throughout the Book of Esther even though God’s name never appears.” However, no where in this story is it EVIDENT that God had anything […]
THE PARABLE is a story used to illustrate an idea or spiritual truth. Of course, if the parable is told by a king who is a blatant bigot, the contents of the story and its moral will reflect bigotry. Let’s test it:
The Parable of the Fig Tree: no yield, cut […]
Banquet Parable: Don’t go to the king’s wedding without wearing a holy ghost costume as many are invited but few are chosen.
Householder – Vineyard Parable: Those who work all day are equal to those who take a smoke every 15 minutes.
Wheat and Tares Parable: Don’t hang out with the Southside Cribs.
Kingdom Like Leaven […]
FORESKINNING: David traded a couple hundred Philistine foreskins for Michal, Saul’s daughter, but not to worry as the Catholic variation on the INVISIBLE MAN IN THE SKY, persists in doing the same to babies! However, the invisible man in the sky allegedly created men in His image (a guess as there were no […]
SAMUEL 2 Who will save the Jebusites from David and the Lord? SAMUEL 2 5:6 David goes to Jerusalem unto the Jebusites who were there first. The Jebusites did not want David there as they were the inhabitants of the land before them. Can you blame the Jebusites: 4:12 the slayers of Saul’s […]
PROVERBS AND ECCLESIASTES: were allegedly written by Solomon the central character of KINGS ONE. Consequently, having already covered Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, only a reminder should be necessary before we look at Solomon of KINGS BOOKS ONE AND TWO: SOLOMON: WHO TURNS TO PAGAN WIVES, BUILDS A TEMPLE IN JERUSALEM, DIVIDES THE KINGDOMS OF JUDAH AND […]
Solomon summary: hires an assassin to kill three opponents, Adonijah, Joab, and Shimei; claims all is vanity but overlays Lord’s temple with cherubs of gold; “goes in unto” 700 wives without attention to consequences; let’s wives seduce him away from the Lord to serve Baal, Balim and Belial, allegedly false gods […]
KINGS 2: “Self righteousness is the perennial temptation of prophets and priests.” Conrad Hyers
Elijh, although not a king but a prophet, a good shepherd, he proves to King Ahazia in Samaria that he is a man of God, not a man of Baalzebub: simply kill the king’s captains and men: 2Kings 1:8 And the […]
KINGS 2 continues with repetitions of deliverances from and to the heathen: 17:6 Hoshea, helpless, because the lord is angry again and delivers him and Israel to the Assyrians! 17:7-9 Israel had done evil in the sight of the Lord and walked in the statutes of the heathen. Delivering His children to and from […]
FIRST AND SECOND CHRONICLES: a divine editorial on the history of God’s People: or things omitted from Samuel and Kings: a religious history of the Davidic dynasty of Judah: not a political history like Samuel and Kings: First Chronicles begins with the royal line of David and then traces the spiritual significance of David’s […]
CHRONICLES 2: REPEATS FIRST AND SECOND KINGS AND EMPHASIZES ZEALOUS REFORMERS, THOSE KINGS WHO PATTERN THEIR LIVES AFTER THE LIFE AND REIGN OF KING DAVID! CHRONICLES 2 IGNORES THE NORTHERN KINGDOM OF ISRAEL BECAUSE OF ITS FALSE WORSHIP AND REFUSAL TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE TEMPLE OF JERUSALEM: Pardon me? David killed Uriah and “went […]
CHARACTERIZATION: Distinguishing qualities, distinctive behavior, characteristic features or qualities, mental or moral qualities: Hence, all of the Bible’s characters are the same person:
Solomon: driven by lust, but according to Nehemiah 13:36 Even him (Solomon) did outlandish women cause to sin: these words characterize a holy man: blame it on the women. “The priest […]
Repetition: To say, recite, repeat, reproduce, replicate over and over and over again:
Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations (Jeremiah) and Ezekiel: several thousand words in one paragraph: My children have rebelled against me, and they have forsaken the Lord. Jerusalem is like Sodom so they must be punished by the sword, the plague, and even the […]
Does Daniel wear the same pair of sandals as all the other Bible characters? For instance, none of them have any distinct personality or appearance, but they all say the same thing. For example, could Daniel be gay? The Bible may not want us to know too much about these fellows as one […]
The Rogues’ Gallery:
The Lord: Numbers 25:4 And the Lord said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people and hang them up before the Lord against the sun that the fierce anger of the Lord may be turned away from Israel.
Moses: Numbers 25:5: And Moses said unto the judges of […]
Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and The Sermon on the Mount:
PROVERBS by Solomon:
The Lord is the beginning of knowledge: Bigotry.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: fear disorients the brain, and “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Winston Churchill.
The Lord with wisdom hath founded the earth: There is no way Solomon or anyone […]
“All is vanity,” saith Solomon. “I haven’t failed. I’ve just tried 10,000 ways that didn’t work,” saith Thomas Edison who had no time for ostentatious gold cherubim, 700 wives, singing songs for a concubine or murder. To Mr. Edison, “futility” was invention untried, not pretending to cut babies in half.
The eye is […]
THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT: Remember Moses, the prophet who brought the Ten Commandments down from the mount: Moses saith: Numbers 25:5 Slay ye every man who joined unto Baal: However, on behalf of Moses, we could go with the first excuse of the Third Reich guards: “I was only following orders.”
The Sermon on […]
The Psalms in eight words: Magnify the Lord; Save me; Destroy my enemies. Now, repeat variations of this over and over and over and over again.
The Parables in two paragraphs: Like the good tenants of the earth, not those slain by Moses for joining unto Baal (Numbers 25:4) or those slain by […]
The Parables Vice Versa:
The Parable of the King and the Naïve Banquet Guest:
The king sat in a high-backed chair at a long dinner table covered with a linen table cloth. Along the marble walls, there were solid gold cherubim hanging at regular intervals. A dozen guests sat in low-backed chairs all around the table […]
The Parable of the Convict and the Chaplain:
The cell doors clanked and the chaplain entered the cold and barren cell. He introduced himself to the convict, and rapidly passed his hand up and down over the convict’s face as if he were swatting flies. The convict waved him off and turned his head […]
The Parable of the King and the Farmer’s Pigs:
There once was a very bright king who could even do miracles if one was in the right place at the right time like right in front of him. As for the leper around the corner, these selective miracles were not for him as there was […]
The Parable of the Omniscient King:
There once was a king who claimed to be omniscient. That is he was all knowing, could see through walls, which could be embarrassing for Sister Gertrude, traveled the world to and fro, and was present everywhere at all times. He was so proud of his […]
The Parable of the Donkey and the King:
The king had just finished delivering a major speech in which he coaxed the population to disregard wealth and emphasize the importance of poverty in their lives. His point was quite clear: Give up all of your possessions and come follow me as money is the root of […]
The Parable of the Fig Tree:
The king came to his special adviser demanding that he repent right now for not seeing to it that the palace fig tree bore fruit. He told the delinquent adviser that he had six months to get that gosh darn tree to bear some fruit because he was quite jealous […]
The Parable of the Two Invitational Banquets:
The King in the temple on the mountain sent out invitations to his annual banquet, but many of the invited did not come. However, the lord of the nearby valley sent out similar invitations to his own banquet, some came and some did not come as they were busy […]
The Parable of Bobby Wheat-ly and Tommy Tare-or:
There was an overweight young man, Bobby Wheat-ly, who lived right next door to a slender young man, Tommy Tare-or. Bobby was a sweet young man who did absolutely everything according to the book. For example, he was the only boy in the neighborhood who wore both […]
The Parable of the Last Fig Tree:
The King was exhausted after performing miracles in Jerusalem all day so he went out of the city to Bethany for the night. In the morning after a good night sleep, he was quite hungry as he had told everyone the day before to give up all of […]
The Parable of Narcissism Out of Control:
And it came to pass that the king did tempt his servant. He said to the servant, please take your only son, Matthew, up to the mountain yonder and offer your loved one for a burnt offering.
The servant, being quite zealous and full of ardor for […]
The Parable of the Rich Man Poor Man Devil Man Spooked:
Hi, I don’t understand it! Let me introduce myself to you. I am an Arabian patriarch living in the land of Uz. I have lived a perfect life of faith in my King so he has not delivered me to Baal. […]
The Parable of the Peeping Tom
There once was a king, anointed by a king and selected by a king to be a king, of sorts. The problem was that the anointed king had a serious problem.
David, the anointed one, had just finished slaying the men of seven hundred […]
The Parable of the Wayward King:
A group of men, many of whom had helped build the King’s temple of gold, were playing dominoes in the temple. Some were changing money and others were buying and selling goods between games.
The King came in a back door in a very bad mood which was […]
The best way to transition from the Old Testament to the New Testament is by characterization: what they say and what they do. Are they going to be the same? Let’s see:
The Lord: not even one’s testicles are safe: “I will corrupt their seed. Nor are their solemn feasts safe: “I will […]
JOHN 21:24 This is the disciple which testifieth of these things: and we know that his testimony is true: who does “we” refer to? The gang of disciples following Jesus after giving up all of their possessions, maybe. Next, how do we know that his testimony is true? Maybe the testimony of […]
Preface to Acts: The Sepulchre: One Mary, two Mary’s three Mary’s four: your guess is as good as those who “testifieth” of these things: and we know that his testimony and the rest of the disciples and apostles who are full of the Holy Ghost must be true. This assumption rests upon the […]
THE ACTS: The great Commission of the missionaries who are to spread the news of the risen savior to the remote corners of the earth or the ACTS of the apostles: WRITTEN BY LUKE:
Acts personified: 4:31 – 5:15 They were all filled with the Holy Ghost (Zealous) and assembled together and spoke the […]
ROMANS: Paul, a retired tentmaker, who no longer “serves tables” as he needs time to pray, lives in the homes of others and travels to and fro throughout the world sermonizing others on the proper way to believe. Meanwhile, he accepts donations from the Macedonians and the Philippians when he needs the Lord’s “strengthening”. […]
CORINTHIANS 1: Paul founded a church Acts 18: 1-17 in the most important city in Greece so let’s check out the character of this preacher: What does he say and what does he do? We know he gave up tent making to preach the gospel. What certifications in psychology does he have […]
CORINTHIANS 2 CONTINUED: Paul, a missionary, anointed by God in his own mind, and a man subject to visions in which he hears voices in the night, and even his Lord’s voice, an invisible voice in the sky, is now going to preach to Corinth, the most important city in Greece.
First and […]
GALATIANS: launched the Christian experience by faith and PAUL’S LAW: 3:13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law. However, neither Christ, nor his Father ever said this, only Paul and his brand new PAUL’S LAWS.
God’s Law is emphatic: Genesis 17:14 and bears repeating: And the uncircumcised man […]
EPHESIANS: Paul tells his flock to look at the content of heaven for your own personal “bank account”. However, Paul looked to the Macedonians and the Philippians when his “bank account” went dry and he LACKED SUPPLIES as it Acts 6:1-4 is not reason (desirable) that we should leave the word of God and […]
PHILIPPIANS: Paul’s Law of Charity: Thank you Phillipi for your help in my hour of need, and here’s some instruction in Christian unity: However, I do not serve tables.
PHILIPPIANS 1:27 Stand fast in one spirit with one mind for the gospel: Accordingly, all must believe that heathen are ANATHAMA even though they […]
COLOSSIANS: Paul to the Christ of the Church, the new Christian church, not of God and His Covenant but a church developed by Paul who is in opposition to the Old Testament and the Jews of the Old Law who do not accept Jesus as their savior. However, Paul must not be aware of […]
THESSALONIANS: letter to a fledgling church regarding the return of the Lord. Paul is in Athens so I bet he will run out of money as traveling around to preach can be costly, especially when one does not SERVE TABLES.
2:9 We will not be chargeable to anyone for […]
TIMOTHY: Paul writes to Timothy, a young preacher at Ephesus, and advises him to preach no other doctrine but Paul’s, the doctrine of uncircumcision in spite of the orthodox Jews who lived in the neighborhood. Paul had first encountered Timothy (Timotheus) at Lystra. He was the son of a certain woman, who was a […]
TITUS: Paul advises a young pastor to appoint elders of proven spiritual character to oversee the work of the church. Titus is a young preacher in Crete, but what measuring stick would the young man use to measure “the spiritual character” of the elders?
“How much can a black cassock hide?” Detective […]
HEBREWS: To be able to fully understand the error of Paul’s ways, one must first be aware of where Paul is headed with his new Christian church: Revelation 22: 18:19 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, if any man shall ADD unto these things, GOD […]
JAMES: An epistle or letter to the poor orthodox Jew who just wants to believe in the old doctrine. He’s happy with his circumcision and just wishes to obey God’s Covenant. (Genesis 17:14) However, a new gang called Christians has arrived on the scene, and they wish to disassociate themselves from the Jews […]
PETER 1 and 2: Let’s let this man, or, excuse me, apostle, reveal who he is all by himself. Recall, that a character reveals himself through his actions and his words: Please sit down as you are now going to be thrown under the footstool: 1 Peter 2:22 But it is happened unto them […]
JOHN AND JUDE:
So what is the problem with these people and why are they all at war as described earlier, foreign and domestic wars, on and on throughout the centuries: Where does it all come from as these are “religious zealots”?
Simple: The Christians accept Jesus as the Messiah or savior, and the Jews do […]
REVELATION: To understand Revelation one must define VISION and VISIONARY:
VISION: thing or person seen in dream or trance; thing seen vividly in the imagination.
VISIONARY: Person given to seeing visions or to indulging in fanciful theories, theories existing only in the imagination.
Thus, here comes John, a prisoner on the penal Island of Patmos. […]
Genesis: 1450 -1410 B.C. In the beginning…there were no witnesses.
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph – second generation patriarchs.
Exodus: deliverances to and from the heathen begins with slaughter of the first born of Egypt who were “innocent in unbelief”.
Leviticus: introduction of priests into society; Moses and Aaron in charge, introduction of such laws as death penalty […]
The Last Parable
The King was fed up. He was lonely after Armageddon. Only a few of the many not chosen were left, and most of them were suffering from shell shock, third degree burns, or blindness from looking at the sun during the final eclipse. His son and Moses had learned nothing […]
by Tom Koelsch
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